talk to the saint: part XVIII

POSTED ON Wednesday, January 09, 2008 AT 09:58 by saint cupcake

to: saint cupcake

subject: ugily deliciousness

from: lucas

Hey,
Why do you guys put so little love into the appearance of the vegan cupcakes?  They look positively craptacular next to the beautifully decorated non-vegan ones.  Granted, I’m gonna eat the damn things anyway, because, well, I eat a vegan diet and I really like your c-cakes, I guess it would just be nice if they looked more whimsical and fun like the others, and not like some little kid got in the cupcake case, half licked off all the frosting on the vegan ones and didn’t touch the others.

Hey, though, hot damn those cuppy cakes are good.  Keep up the good work!

Lucas

to: lucas

subject: re: ugily deliciousness

from: saint cupcake

Dear Lucas-

You spelled ugly wrong.

And natural is never really pretty, is it? Consider us
all lucky that we can’t see the twigs and other natural
crap that goes into those hideously delicious cupcakes.

Their lack of aesthetic appeal is also a way to keep
barbaric omnivores from getting their meat and
dairy tainted hands all over them. While we say
everyone will enjoy the vegan cupcakes (I do. And I eat
meat, dairy, and really anything that is put in front
of me), we want to save them exclusively for vegans.
See? It’s all part of our plan.

Well, ok, I can’t say we put that kind of manipulation
into it. We spent more time trying to perfect the
recipe than how to dress them up.  I never thought of
them as ugly. Should we make them froofier? I will
seriously look into it if you think that you people
will like them more...unless you like the security of
eating a cupcake that no one else will. Like Charlie
Brown and his Christmas tree.

Thanks for your funny e-mail. We try and make people
happy, and you’re right, we should work harder to keep
you vegans happy, too. Some of our best friends are
vegan. But they never really look happy, come to think
of it.

love and frosting,

saint cupcake

tip jar burgled!

POSTED ON Wednesday, November 14, 2007 AT 20:45 by saint cupcake

so on friday night, a creepy dude and his cronies were hanging out at our nw store asking for cigarettes and band aids and staring at our cute bakers and counter staff. after about twenty minutes, the creepy dude up and grabbed the tip jar and ran out the door with it. bloody smokers.

to make matters weirder, galen our manager, took a break later and walked to a local pizza joint where her boyfriend works. she was told he wasn’t there, as he was out chasing a creepy dude who had just stolen their tip jar and had run out the door. as legend has it, galen’s boyfriend, jared, chased the creepy dude and his cronies through the mean streets of portland, catching one of them in pioneer sqaure. jared (or chuck bronson as we’ll now call him) tackled the little dude to the ground and demanded his tips back. while uniformed police officers wandered the plaza, unaware of the vigilantism taking place under their noses, jared ( i mean chuck bronson) told the kid "i want my tips back, son. we’ll leave the fuzz out of it." so, like an idiot, the kid agreed to call his friend to meet the two of them with the tips. and he asked to use jared’s (chuck bronson’s) cell phone to call the creepy dude on his cell phone. turns out they met in front of the creepy dude’s apartment where they punched jared and gave him the empty jar back.

but it sure made it easy for the police to find you, marcus the tip robber. or should i say alleged tip robber? maybe you’ll think twice about taking tips now, mo fo. especially from people who work their cupcakes off to earn them.

it is never boring here at saint cupcake. even if it’s slow, it’s exciting.

talk to the saint. but don’t make sense.

POSTED ON Friday, August 31, 2007 AT 21:47 by saint cupcake

this email was being received by us, our cupcake bakery company, instrumentally and requested helpful ordering.

 if there is anyone who reads this and can understand, your helpful insights will be appreciated.

sent on friday, august 31, 2007:

I’m writing you from Little Rock Arkansas today.
 
I am interested in working with a cupcake bakery company to provide me with cupcakes that would have letters on top with the cooking wrapper that gives a message. Right now I like the mini cupcake size for this project. Our cost must be reasonable because we are govern by what we can spend. The cooking wrapper paper I can buy and printed. They would be 6 mini cupcakes packaged on a tray that holds them together.    
For the purpose it will serve, I have a feeling we are talking about a large volume of orders. The packaging and name copy right is now pending. 
 
If interested let me know.

huh. 

talk to the saint 3: sharing the love

POSTED ON Thursday, July 19, 2007 AT 18:46 by saint cupcake

welcome to another installment of "talk to the saint". it warms our hearts that you are reading this and it also makes us laugh a little that you are goofing off at work enough to read our blogidy blog. anyway, goofballs, on today’s edition, we will explore the donation department of saint cupcake. for those of you who are not aware, saint cupcake gives over 1000 cupcakes a month to various school programs, charities, fundraising events and otherwise worthy causes. isn’t that sweet? (and if you are one of those organizations in need of a cupcake donation, please see our donation page here. or here. but not here.) saint cupcake just wants to make our community a better place and that’s just our little contribution. the following is an email correspondence between a local charity and saint cupcake.

Received Tuesday March 27, 2007 12:52:37 PM PDT: 

Hi,
I am with the Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon*, and I am following up on some paperwork I dropped off a few weeks ago.  I left some information about an upcoming fundraising event we are having, and I was hoping you’d be able to donate a gift certificate for Saint Cupcake for a "Best of PDX" package we are putting together for an auction. Your place has become a Portland Institution (in the good way) and I can’t imagine NOT including you in a Best of PDX package; so far, we have contributions from a great variety of Portland Besters (Hippo Hardware, Powell’s, Voodoo Donuts), with a few more in the works, and we’d love to add a gift certificate from your place to the package!

Just in case the paperwork I dropped off was misplaced, I have attached a copy of our information. If you need a more formal request, on our letterhead, I will be happy to provide that, along with our 501 c(3) status.

Thanks,

Carolyn

Feral Cat Coalition 

www.feralcats.com 

 Sent Wednesday, March 28, 2007 10:39 AM:

Hi Carolyn:

I can’t say that I did get your paperwork...i’d honestly remember a group called the Feral Cat Coalition (the paperwork may be on the owner’s desk who is on maternity leave...) but I can tell you right now and without pause saint cupcake would love to donate  to any group of cats that can organize a coalition! how brilliant!  if cats are trying to raise money (and it is very nice of you to help them do that) than we want to do our part and give a gift certificate for an event. But I do hope these feral cats use their funds for good and not to buy cigarettes and cheap beer. (sorry, but Brian Setzer may have single handedly branded stray cats around the world with the image of being hoodlums.) I am sure the cats that have hired you to help them type are very nice cats. unless you are a cat, too.

and even though I personally have an allergic reaction to cats that makes my chin itch and throat swell shut, I think we can help the kitties.

So how about a gift certificate for a dozen cupcakes?

love and frosting,

saint cupcake

ps I just looked at your website and it looks like you guys to great work! And it looks like those cats don’t organize themselves after all. Well, at least that we KNOW of. They may meet once in a while for book clubs or something....

talk to the saint part 2

POSTED ON Friday, July 06, 2007 AT 23:56 by saint cupcake

the following is a transcript of a REAL message left on our voicemail. seriously. i really wish you could hear it. i am surely going to save it and listen to it now and again. in her second sentence, the lady gets herself real worked up and is hollering.

tuesday, july 3, 2007 12:39pm:

 hi. i’m trying to find out if you have any trans fats in your muffins and the girl in the belmont store hasn’t got a clue and the other store doesn’t answer the phone and you have all these messages with these strange hours that you’re open and it’s different everyday and it’s confusing and i bet if i come in there you have really uncomfortable seats, too, not even soft ones. so WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO PATRON YOUR ESTABLISHMENT? you just make life difficult for people and if you didn’t have trans fats in your muffins, you should advertise it on your stupid long message but that would add one more thing. ok, no, the message is fine. it’s good to have the information, but you know what? every now and again a person answering the phone or the person who works for you should know if you have trans fats in your muffins. don’t you at least train these people to know these things? how stupid can you be?

unfortunately tuesdays caller left no name or number, so we were unable to call her back. hopefully she is reading this blog entry so i can answer her question.

hi lady. while we don’t have any trans fats in any of our CUPCAKES, and while we do train our employees to know that, you may have found the girl at the belmont store confused because she was unaware we carried muffins. poor thing must have felt way out of the loop. also, at the belmont store, we don’t have seating but stephanie from noun sells really comfortable chairs that you can take to go! AND funny you should mention soft chairs! jami just bought a bunch of new chairs for the nw shop and reupholstered them herself! they are cute AND squishy! your crazy ass will love them! and sorry about the long message; we had a mid week holiday and people were calling alot to find out our hours that week so we thought we might leave it on our out going message.

thanks for calling!